Religion. Because I'm Going to Write about Browning's.

Robert Browning once toyed with the idea of atheism in imitation of Shelley. It didn't last because fundamentally he was optimistic about religion and God. I learned about theodicy in a world lit class last year and it fascinated me ever since. How do people explain bad things happening to innocent people? How do people who believe in a just and loving God explain the horrible things that happen to good people? We talked about the Book of Job. Job lost everything in his life because of the Devil's wager with God, that Job would forsake Him if everything in Job's life is taken away. Job lost his wealth, land, children, reputation, friends, and dignity as a patriarch (very crucial to a Hebrew man back in the Old Testament days). It was the loss of dignity, that Job's friends accused him of committing a secret sin, that triggered Job's angry rant to God about why He allowed such terrible things to happen to a loyal and judicious believer. The fact that Job's friends believed that Job must have done something wrong to deserve this shows that people struggled with theodicy even in biblical times. And still no one can fully explain why these things happen. Apparently Browning wrote a "solution" to this problem after the 1755 Lisbon earthquake which killed thousands in Portugal. People's faith were shaken because the earthquake occurred on Easter Sunday. Churches collapsed on thousands of praying people. Contemporary Europeans couldn't explain how God could let this happen on Earth. I am still trying to find his writings, which isn't among the top searches on Google so I guess I have to try harder. But as always, back to me. Ahem. My view on Christianity had shifted through the years I've stayed in the US. From initial skepticism but genuine like and appreciation of the kindness of Christians, I've evolved to this current status of hesitant belief. I admire religion for its power to remind people of their inner goodness and ability to conduct and amplify good deeds. I especially admire religious organizations serving the outcasts of society and humbling caring for the needy in society. It requires so much determination and patience and I don't know if I can last in that kind of endless charity work for the decades which they've committed themselves to. I try to support them whenever I can, but then my inner Chinese frugality stop me more often than it should. So the capacity to inspire goodness in people is what first drew me to Christianity. But I couldn't accept God's existence. I lived as an atheist for 10 years before encountering Christianity in communist China. I've been taught since childhood that there is no God, and as a teenager I couldn't break from that kind of skepticism. To be honest I was leery of most religious people because I didn't understand its significance in their lives. Now, I can say that I grew to be more respectful and tolerant of other people's beliefs, except I'm still quite unsure of my stance on cults. I guess the line is drawn when religions demand hurting other people. Enough seriousness for one day. Also my neighbor is blasting a really annoying, high-pitched song. Pet peeve. (Obviously I am the only one who can play Youtube/music on laptop speakers. Luckily I am so afraid of judgment on my taste in music that I prefer ear buds 99% of the time.)